May 2013
157 posts
9 tags
We're bad people
Disorganic : Immigrants are going to cost america 6 *trillion* dollars if given amnesty? ...How much of the 6 trillion do I personally get? is it a weekly payment, do you think, or a lump sum?
M : I love you and want to marry you right this instant.
Disorganic : Ok, but you're signing a pre-nup. you just want my immigrant money!
M : Wait scratch that. Once I get my 40 acres and my mule then we will talk.
Disorganic : There you go again, wanting the handouts.
M : I think it's only right. You came here out of your own free will. I was imported.... The best things usually are.
Disorganic : Its these cheap, foreign-made goods that are ruining america.
M : Out sourcing all the good jobs like "Leader of the Free World".
Disorganic : OH SHIT SON. Ok, you win. The game has been won. everyone go home
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Dear E
Why’d you delete your blog?
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Dreamed I was little, had an even smaller brother, and my parents split in my last year at HS. They both blamed me. Ended up homeless and hung myself from a bridge.
Thanks for amping up the realism in that one, too.
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Anons be asking.
A blue haired woman dressed up as the queen of hearts chasing around a dude dressed up as Alice screaming “Off with his head!” Would you watch or look away? If there’s a bar, I’m watching. If not, I’m getting a beer and coming back. If I cant get a beer because its that kind of place then Im probably busying doing something else.
Anonymous asked: How bad on a scale of delicious to Moxie was it?
Anonymous asked: Did you enjoy the candy at least?
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Going to red robin because I’ve run out of ideas.
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Watching tumblr users talk about corporate buyouts is depressing as hell.
YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND IGNORANT AS FUCK AND I DONT TEACH FOR FREE.
“Google wud B shit cuz set sack Motirolas CEO”
“Micro$oft wud be shit cuz lol microshit B lame”
“Yahoo better nut put adverts on tumblr cuz tumblr is liek anti capitalist at haert”
“Fuk dis imma take mah...
“Travel is little beds and cramped bathrooms. It’s old television sets and slow...”
– Nick Miller (via my—reticence)
“My biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way I see myself.”
– Anonymous (via pale-afternoon)
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Well, I didn’t win the powerball, but I have a cat purring in my ear and a pretty girl in my bed, so it’s not all bad.
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Moxie, since you ask
Moxie is chemical warfare. Moxie is a undead hobo urinating into your open mouth. It’s Soda flavoured with Gentian root, and was one of the first Sodas in America. Its still sort of popular in Maine. It doesn’t taste like anything else you’ve ever drunk. It’s fucking foul. Its the taste of history, like taking a swim in a civil war latrine trench. I hate Moxie. On the...
Anonymous asked: Have you ever dabbled in origami?
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WatchMoxie! Ignore my stupid moxie challenge voice and the fact the kitchen is a pigsty.
“why does anyone make this, Even the sink doesnt like it. You promised you’d drink it with me! That’s it, No more. Ugh”
“Its like flat diet coke and root beer had a baby that a hobo puked up. “
AZ on her way for mouthwash.
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The opposite of The King and I:
I do this thing where people find me interesting so I show them all my worst personality traits because you’re so wrong, I’ m awful, and here’s a 45 minute PowerPoint presentation showing you why also there won’t be questions because ill be in the shower, scrubbing myself raw and sobbing uncontrollably.
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Anonymous asked: Is there some specific reason for bbq sauce as opposed to some other condiment?
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Look, all Im saying is if you use foursquare to tell the world you’re at the movies and come home to find some scallywag has poured an entire bottle of bbq sauce into your bed while you were out, then you’re partially responsible.
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Man, I cant think for shit today.
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#1 thing I miss about living in the English countryside : cat flaps and pets that shit outdoors in fields.
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Did you know that Disorganic’s body is over 85% Ginger Soda?
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Dream time!
You know you live my incredibly convoluted dreams, right? This one is a doozy.
I am skin and bananas. Literally. I don’t bleed. If you took a kitchen knife to me and sliced off my arm, you’d find peeled bananas instead. Solid, all the way through.
It was a super huge secret that I was dying to tell people but couldn’t because I was afraid of both judgement, and being eaten.
~fin~
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So my drafts folder got ridiculous, so Im not going to use it anymore. ideas either get finished or they get scrapped, even if they’re fucking atrocious. so basically expect the quality of everything I write to get worse. you know, 4/10 to 2/10 kind of thing.
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Doggerel ideas.
You never wrote about me
You didn’t cut my hair
Didn’t gush melodramatically
As if you didn’t care
So nobody will know that yours were the lips I kissed
Or of those faltering emotions that we wanted to exist
So it’s as if I were never there at all
I can only feel embarrassed that it hurt me to my core
Was I never worth the effort
To find the words to write about?
Or are you just ashamed...
Alimony was dead the second we admitted that men should also be entitled to claim it, but like all the lumbering shoggoths of patriarchy, it keeps stumbling forward, not yet fully realising the heart is no longer beating.
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Huh. Stoppard has a writing credit for Shakespeare in Love.
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“This is what I don’t get - Women are impure because males have touched them....”
– Comment on Jezebel article “Female ‘Purity’ Is Bullshit” (via lorbeere)
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Field Marshal, Architect, Champion! I must be...
Oh look, you’re wrong on the internet. [[MORE]] When you introduce yourself as a Jungian personality type, I pity you. It was kind of awkwardly laughable ten years ago but now you’re like the only person left in the room that still thinks Superego is a thing; did you know that MBTI only represents half of the Jungian types? Did you know that the “cutting edge” of pigeonholing...
“In my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words to reach the...”
– Isaac Marion “Warm Bodies” (via quintessentials)
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“Since you probably haven’t experienced a whole lot of sexism from men in your...”
– BenFoldsSweaters, on the subject of “we’re not all like that” outraged nice guys.
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Angelina Jolie and dem titties.
The AJ thing with the mastectomy freaks me out.
It’s awesome that gene sequencing is clever enough to say ahead of time that you have an 83% chance of breast cancer.
It’s fucking awful that the treatment for that is “cut out everything”.
It’s fucking awful that the wider population has an opinion on this other than “christ, I’m sorry you have to go...
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Existential Emergency Phone →
The Existential Emergency Phone is a multipurpose tool for handling all of life’s uncertainties. It can be used for both dialing out and calling in. T…
uuuuhhhhng geek projects
